There was a time in which ants and I lived in balanced harmony…in our home they marched along the side of the window sill near our kitchen sink, blending in with the black border of the window rarely marching out of their window trench... this was a time of peace, harmony and understanding…I knew that the ants would remain in their trench unless I broke a treaty agreement and left a plate of leftovers out over night or even left spilled juice on that rare occasion... even if I broke our treaty agreement, they usually were extremely polite making sure they stayed on the granite counter and marched in a orderly line from the treat back to their trench…lately however they have become more aggressive extending beyond their border…one day I innocently reached for my drink only to be met with millions of ants having some sort of reckless drunken orgy in my juice... being in the merciful mood and understanding that even ants may need rec. time, I merely poured the left over juice in the sink and rinsed out the cup…no harm, no foul, ...but it didn't end there, unbeknownst to me, other missions were being planned...
my morning rituals before I go to work consist of waking up in a dream like state, brushing my teeth and washing my face...like any other morning, I methodically grabbed the toothpaste and squeezed the toothpaste on my toothbrush, and began to brush my teeth... I looked up in the mirror and noticed in the reflection of my teeth these black specks sprinkled throughout my 'Tom's of Maine' toothpaste bubbles...confused with my blurry morning vision, I rinsed out my mouth, and noticed that the black specks began to swim...incredulous to what my mind surmised, I looked down at the toothpaste and confirmed what I feared...an army of ants were declaring war and they were asserting that the 'Tom's of Maine' was their first conquered territory...the pacifist in me reflexively washed the toothpaste clean of any war declaring ants...after I was a bit more awake and disgusted, I relayed the preemptive ant attack story to a friend, he assured me that ants were one of the cleanest insects in the world...because they are so light, they never pick up any germs and they can even walk on water...well, how Jesus like of them...
Time had passed since the toothpaste incident, and I convinced myself that maybe those weren't war declaring ants, but rather a bunch of ants all hopped up on tom's all natural ingredients...that was until, I noticed a line of marching ants heading out of my cereal box, bits of cereal in tow...and I realized that if the ants weren't declaring war, then I sure as hell was...the battle line has been drawn and combat has taken the form of mercilessly squishing those mutineers, making sure they know never to mess with my cereal and toothpaste again...sure, there have been times, when I am caught off guard and I wake up to find that my bananas are being ravished by the ants, but what war doesn't have casualties...nothing a little shock and awe can't take care of...and I just know that sooner rather than later a banner reading mission accomplished will be hanging over my ant free zone...I think?
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